March Marvel Madness: HULK

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel film adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

From Universal Pictures and the Oscar-winning director of Life of CGI- I mean Pi- comes the first film based on the comic book The Incredible Hulk. Oh boy, it's Ang Lee's...

Eric Bana plays Bruce, a brilliant but emotionally distant scientist who, along with fellow scientist and ex-girlfriend, Betty (Jennifer Connelly), blow up frogs with gamma radiation in an effort to cure... something. I don't know, I forgot. Anyways, Bruce gets caught in a blast of radiation and survives, but now, whenever he gets angry, he transforms into a giant, rampaging, badly computer-generated giant. A grizzly old fart named David Banner (Nick Nolte) appears, stalking Bruce, claiming to be his father. Speaking to his son in riddles, we can guess- really, we can only guess- Banner passed some kind of side effect of self-experimentation on to his boy that was then triggered by Bruce's accident. What? There's also Betty's general dad (Sam Elliot) who wants the Hulk for something (still not sure), and some douchebag (Josh Lucas) that also has an interest in Bruce, but also has an interest in getting into Betty's pants.

I was really let down by Hulk when I saw it in theaters the summer of 2003. I thought it was overly serious and lame. Looking at the film now, however, I can honestly saw- and I hate to quote an overused meme from the internet, but- WTF is this shit?! This is a joke, right? In hindsight, it might as well be. It was 2003, after all. I wouldn't be shocked if Ashton Kutcher jumped out at us coming out of the theater going, "You got Punk'd!"

This is not an adaptation of The Incredible Hulk. This is a trashing, because Universal and director Ang Lee didn't have faith in the comic book. They felt like the movie needed to transcend the source material. Don't let the comic book panel-style split-screens and editing fool you; Hulk is a film ashamed that it's based on a comic book. It's all so, so serious. Performance-wise, you've got mopey (Bana and Connelly) and crazy (Nolte, Elliot, and Lucas) and not much else. Nobody seems to be having any fun in this movie. There's no sense of entertainment value in the story, anyways. Lee is too concerned with trying to elevate the material. The Incredible Hulk is the Jeckyll and Hyde of the post-Atomic Age. He represents something base in us as human beings we all keep buried inside us, be it rage or anything else we don't want anyone to see. Ang Lee and co-writer James Schamus want to blame The Hulk on Daddy. Bullshit.

In addition, Lee succeeds in making the audience feel stupid for liking spectacle by making Industrial Light and Magic give us some of the worst visual effects ever for a tentpole movie. Hulk looks better in the poster than any time he's on screen in the movie! He looks like a 'roid-raging Shreck. Also, why is he almost as big as fucking King Kong halfway through the movie? The laugh-out-loud awfulness of the VFX next to the woe-as-me crap that make up the rest of the film is really jarring. I'm sure ILM were embarrassed by their work on Hulk. They were able to make Yoda fight just the year before! They should be embarrassed.

Not surprising the word "Incredible" was left out of the title of this movie, giving how bad it is, but Ang Lee should have left Hulk out of it, too. There's barely any resemblance to the characters of the comic in this movie. Instead, this picture is Ang Lee's criticism of us as American moviegoers. Congratulations, bub. You made us feel bad for watching a movie based on a comic book. I hope you're happy, you prick. I'm glad Crash won.

Hulk
1 out of 5 Cap Shields

March Marvel Madness: X2: X-MEN UNITED

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel film adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Today, it's...

Picking up after the events of X-Men, X2 begins with a mutant attempting to assassinate the President of the United States, which prompts insane military leader, William Stryker (Brian Cox), to attack the X-Men mansion and kidnap Professor Charles Xavier (once again played by Patrick Stewart). The remaining X-Men, including Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Storm (Halle Berry), Cyclops (James Marsden), and Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), form a reluctant alliance with their sworn enemy, Magneto (Ian McKellen), in an effort to rescue the beloved Professor and save mutant and human kind.

Remember when Bryan Singer said he was going "Wrath of Khan" on the sequel to his 2006 film Superman Returns? Well, we never did get to see that, but it didn't matter, because he already Empire Strikes Back'd the shit out of X-Men with X2! X-Men United is a textbook example of using what was great about the previous film to make a more inspired follow-up. Drawing inspiration from the 1982 graphic novel, God Loves, Man Kills, Singer expands on the previous film's themes of tolerance and understanding by raising the stakes in the story with the addition of a greater adversary. The enthusiasm Singer has for this film is evident in the exciting editing, stronger production design, and a greatly-improved musical score (by frequent collaborator, John Ottman).

The first X-Men brought together a- for the most part- remarkable group of actors who excelled at bringing these classic characters to life. Just like The Empire Strikes Back, X2's returning players got another chance to play, enhancing their already memorable performances while strengthening the unit. This movie even has it's own Lando Calrissian in the form of Alan Cummings's Nightcrawler. Not only a visually eye-popping character, but Cummings's turn as the fan-favorite mutant is nothing short of astonishing.

X2 does fall just a bit short of Empire perfection. Thank you, Halle Berry. As if your sub-par effort in the first movie wasn't bad enough, you completely gave up on Storm in this one. Probably because you were too busy kissing your Oscar for Monster's Ball between takes to really give a shit. Storm is a ground-breaking character in comics- and pop culture- and she deserves better.

Watching X2: X-Men United now is just as thrilling as it was when I first experienced it in theaters. Time- and a lazy movie star- has done absolutely nothing to diminish the what is not only Marvel's first great sequel, but also one of their finest big-screen achievements.

- JDO

X2: X-Men United
4 1/2 out of 5 Cap Shields

March Marvel Madness: DAREDEVIL

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel film adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Crank the Evanescence! It's time to look back at...

Released by 20th Century Fox in 2003, Daredevil stars Ben Affleck as Matthew Murdock, who, as a kid, was blinded by radioactive materials. Even though he lost his sight, his other senses were enhanced to superhuman levels. After his boxer dad was murdered by gangsters, young Matt dedicates his life to fighting for justice, growing up to be a defense attorney in New York City's Hell's Kitchen by day. By night, though, he's a crimefighter known as Daredevil, The Man Without Fear. Matt, a devout Catholic, is unsure of his dual role, and occasionally expresses his conflict during weekly confession. He finds hope in a woman named Elektra (Jennifer Garner), but her and her father are targets of the Kingpin of crime (the late Michael Clarke Duncan) and his crazed assassin-for-hire, Bullseye (Colin Farrell). Soon, both Matt and his alter-ego are caught in the crossfire.

Now, if I had any good sense, I would fall in line with the rest of fandom and proclaim that "Daredevil sucks" or "Ben Affleck ruined Daredevil" or "Fuck Affleck" with no elaboration, just blind compliance. However, I am a man not know for having good sense. So, I say Daredevil is not that bad.

I'll admit, I was not impressed with the film upon its initial release, either.  The CGI effects were cartoony, the wire work was obvious, the costumes looked like they were made for a 90s comic book movie. I didn't care what was going on in the film. Everybody was doing things only for the sake of looking cool while doing them. Jennifer Garner was completely miscast as Elektra. I didn't think Affleck was a problem, though. In fact, I thought he was alright. Still, unlike contemporaries such as X-Men, Fox didn't cast the best actors for the roles; they recruited stars. It was the 90s Batman way of casting a superhero picture. To me, Daredevil was living in a time-warp, so it got the Obershaw DUD stamp.

Five years went by. I had known about a "director's cut" of Daredevil on DVD for awhile. I read that it was the original version before Fox demanded it be cut down to get a PG-13 rating, and from what I heard it was a harder,darker, much better movie. I finally took a chance on it, and I was sucker-punched by the difference! Wouldn't you know, there's an actual movie here! OMG, characters! Plot! The superhero stuff were parts of the attraction, not the attraction itself. This version felt more in tune with Frank Miller's famous run in the comics. Unlike the theatrical cut, it was a film I could invest in. I mean, there were aspects of the 2003 version I disliked still present (i.e. Jennifer Garner as Elektra), but I was too busy enjoying the things I did like to care. As far as I was concerned, the Director's Cut of Daredevil was Daredevil.

Since then, the theatrical version didn't exist for me. However, I knew when I started this project that I was going to have to go back to the 2003 cut. We're looking at theatrically-released films, so it makes sense to look at these films as they were first exhibited. Looking at it now, the theatrical cut of Daredevil is still nowhere near Spider-Man quality, but it's not a complete loss. While the editing feels awkward and some of the sequences are brought down by goofy effects, and Jennifer Garner is still in it, Ben Affleck is the heart of the movie, and Matt Murdock's arc is what made it worthwhile this time around. I greatly prefer the Director's Cut, but Daredevil 2003 can still exist for me, too. I'll throw that one on if I'm short on time or attention span.

- JDO

Daredevil (Theatrical Cut)
2 1/2 out of 5 Cap shields

Daredevil (Director's Cut)
3 1/2 out of 5 Cap shields

March Marvel Madness: SPIDER-MAN

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel film adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Look out! Here comes the...

Tobey Maguire stars as Peter Parker, a nerdy high school student raised by his aunt and uncle, who is bitten by a radioactive spider during a class field trip and acquires the proportionate speed, strength, and agility of the arachnid. With his newfound powers, the shy, gifted Peter becomes a costumed attraction until a selfish gesture leads to personal tragedy. That's when Parker decides to use his powers to fight crime and become your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Also in Peter's life are the girl of his dreams, Mary Jane (played by Kirsten Dunst), his best friend, Harry (James Franco), and Harry's father, Norman Osbourne (Willem Defoe), a wealthy scientist who's self-experimentation transforms him into Spidey's arch enemy, The Green Goblin.

I had been waiting for a Spider-Man film ever since I was a kid. Spidey and The Hulk were the first two Marvel superheroes that made big impacts on me, and through my kid years I always thought a movie about either one of those characters would be mind-blowing. So, when Batman came out and Hollywood went comic book crazy, I figured Ol' Webhead was a shoe-in for the big screen big time. To use kid logic: It would be like Superman, only it's Spider-Man! It's only a matter of time, thought I. So I waited. And waited. And waited. Then, there was that Spider-Man animated series on Fox, which was awesome, but I still waited. And I waited some more. Fast forward through one false start by James Cameron followed by nearly 10 years of litigation, it's May of 2002, I'm finishing university, and a Spider-Man movie- courtesy of Columbia Pictures- is finally coming out. Expectations high? D'uh.

As it turned out, Spider-Man was- wait for it- amazing! It was everything I hoped a Spider-Man motion picture would be. The origin felt like it was ripped from Amazing Fantasy #15. It was colorful, full of energy and optimism, the latter sorely needed in the wake of September 11th, 2001. Tobey Maguire perfectly captured the duality of the nerdy, awkward good guy that is Peter Parker and the heroic, wise-cracking Spidey.

I was confident Spider-Man was going to rule. Bringing the wall-crawler to life was one of my favorite directors: Sam Raimi. Ever since Crimewave, I was drawn to his style; it was wild. It had a zany sensibility that seemed a perfect fit for a comic book movie. Darkman was all the proof I needed, but the fact he was a Spider-Man fan since childhood didn't hurt, either. The one and only gripe I had about Spider-Man at the time, though: it didn't feel like a Sam Raimi film to me. All those wacky shots that were trademarks of Rami movies were noticeably absent. It looked very pro. Very Hollywood. To me, it looked as if Raimi was toning himself down for the studios and for the sake of the kids coming to see the picture. That was the thing that bugged me the most about the film. What? What about Green Goblin's costume? That was awful, right? Nope, didn't bother me. Really. Sorry? Not really.

It had been a long time since I watched this Spider-Man. Years even. I wondered if it still had that same hold on me as it did almost a dozen years ago. Much to my shock, Sam Raimi's Spider-Man has aged beautifully. Its good-hearted charm hasn't diminished into camp or corny. It's timeless, actually. It's easy to see now how the brightness and fun of Spider-Man contrasts against the darker, more serious Blade and X-Men films. In addition, it has a more satisfying balance of character and action, making it- wait for it- superior to X-Men. Oh, and that complaint I had in 2002 about Spider-Man not looking like a Sam Raimi movie? Turns out I wasn't paying enough attention. Raimi didn't tone down for the studio or for the kiddies. He fashioned his style to create a live comic book.

That's what Spider-Man the movie is: a living, breathing version of the comic book. It's what every superhero film since Superman the Movie should strive to be. It doesn't simply try to duplicate the medium (mostly for laughs) or feel there's a need to transcend it. That is why, after 12 years, Spider-Man still succeeds at being- wait for it- spectacular entertainment.

Spider-Man
5 out of 5 Cap Shields

March Marvel Madness: BLADE II

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel cinematic adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Today, the daywalker returns in Marvel's first sequel...

Wesley Snipes reprises his role as Blade, the half human/half-vampire hero who is now in Prague tracking down his old pal, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson). After resucing his old buddy and introducing him to his new helper, Scud (played by the only reason people put up with The Walking Dead nowadays, Norman Reedus), Blade is offered a truce by a wealthy vamp, Damaskinos (Thomas Kretschmann), and his daughter, Nyssa (Leonor Varela). Apparently, there is a creature far worse than vampires, and Blade is asked to join a team of badass bloodsuckers put together by Damaskinos- the great Ron Pearlman plays their leader- in exterminating this common enemy.

Honestly, folks, there's really not much to say about Blade II. It's a minor step-up from the first film, I know that. Like its predecessor, though, Blade II is a simple (minded?) action/horror thrill ride. The thing that gives this movie that slight edge over the original is a new director. And who is that, you ask? None other than Mexico's greatest export (sorry, Alberto Del Rio!), Guillermo del Toro. What?! Well, with a legendary visionary like del Toro at the helm, Blade II is every bit as imaginary as Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth, right?. Sorry, kids, but Blade II is as much del Toro's movie as Mimic was. There are only touches of trademark del Toro in Blade II; the old world location, the dark, dank design, the practical monster effects. del Toro feels more like a hired gun on this movie. David Goyer's script is too focused on extended fight scenes for del Toro to spread his (fairy or demon?) wings.

It's a shame my memory of Blade II is more vivid than the movie itself. I was hoping for a Guillermo del Toro take on a Marvel hero, but I simply got an action film you catch late at night on FX. It only happens to be directed by him.

Blade II
3 out of 5 Cap shields

March Marvel Madness: X-MEN

Greetings, True Believers! Welcome to March Marvel Madness! Every day this month, I'll be looking back on a theatrically-released movie based on the characters of Marvel Comics. It's all to commemorate the April 4th release of the next Marvel cinematic adventure, Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Today, evolution leaps forward.

From 20th Century Fox comes X-Men, based on the long-running, extremely popular series created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, and brought to legendary status by writer Chris Claremont.  The film takes place in "the not too distant future", where humanity is split between two factions: humans and mutants (humans with extraordinary abilities). Teenage runaway mutant Rogue (Anna Paquin) and hard-ass loner Wolverine (Hugh Jackman in his first film role) take refuge at a school run by Professor Charles Xavier (Sir Patrick Stewart), who also leads a team called the X-Men, dedicated to keeping the peace between mutants and the rest of humanity. A mutant terrorist, Magneto (Sir Ian McKellen), wants freedom from persecution "by any means necessary", and has devised a plot to achieve that using one of the X-Men. It's up to Xavier's group to find out which one in order to foil Magneto's plan.

I loved X-Men when it came out in 2000, and it still makes me happy every time I see it. Bryan Singer did the impossible: adapt a comic with- at the time- 37 years of complex history behind it. He got down to the nitty gritty of what this mythology is about. The ensemble cast was something brand new for superhero movies back then. It wasn't made up of stars; they were (for the most part) the best actors for the roles. They inhabited these characters. The X-Men movie honors the comic mythos while forging its own path.

The path still has a few bumps. X-Men has an imbalance of character and story- which unfortunately became the model for future first installments of comic book film series. A lot of time is spent on establishing that when things get going it feels over before it's begun. The late Michael Kamen's score is hit-and-miss. And then there's Halle Berry as Storm. She's the weak link in an otherwise tight ensemble. Her performance- not to mention her accent- is lazy, and she delivers the worst line ever in superhero movies.

At least these are real criticisms of the movie. In recent months, I've come across articles like this, which pretty much shows how fucking spoiled fans have become. Reading shit like, "Personally, I've given up all hope of seeing Wolverine in his costume..." makes me believe the moral of X-Men doesn't mean a damn thing to these clowns. They're shallow. All they want is Wolverine slicing people down and a Rogue with huge knockers.

I continue to appreciate the efforts to bring the X-Men comic book to the big screen, and I remain all-smiles with the results. No cry-baby fanboy nit-picking is going to change that.

The age of the superhero movie has officially begun.

- JDO

X-Men
4 out of 5 Cap shields

Movie Tally for February 2014

Blow Out
Knocked Up
This is 40
Phantom of the Paradise
Carrie (1976)
Child's Play 3
Westworld
Big Ass Spider! (or Biggest Spider! to those who only shop at Wal-Mart)
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Pumpkinhead
Howard the Duck
We Are What We Are (2010)
We Are What We Are (2013)
Blade
X-Men
Child's Play 2
Seed of Chucky
The Raid: Redemption
The Witches of Eastwick
The Witches (1966)

Unlike last month, February turned out to be a mix of new watches and revisits. What's truly of note this month is that two in particular fall into both categories: Blow Out and Phantom of the Paradise. Funny that both of them are de Palma flicks. These two- and Dressed to Kill- were movies my mom kept mentioning throughout the years, as if I had seen them when I was really young. My folks were pretty cool when it came to movies, if that wasn't obvious before. Still, I had very little memory of watching any of them. Dressed to Kill I saw at the end of last year, and I fell in love with it. I'm glad I waited this long to revisit that one and Blow Out after spending a bit of time watching/studying Hitchcock. I know I would've really liked them had I watched them, say, my teen years, but that big dumb grin on my face marveling at all the Hitchcockian would not be there. Phantom of the Paradise? Definitely one Teen Josh would have trouble shutting up about. Why I never saw it that much earlier continues to be beyond me. Scream Factory is releasing Phantom of the Paradise on Blu-Ray later this year, and I can't wait. That film and I still have a lot of catching up to do.

Other things I took away in February:

• I like the remake of We Are What We Are more than I do than the Mexican version. The original's great, but the American version took the initial idea and went into more intimate, and in turn, darker places. I was more drawn to that.
• Not as mind-blowing as some made it out to be, but The Raid was still a damn good action movie. A highlight of the genre, for sure.
• This is 40 was long, not really funny, and pointless. Three years away, I'm determined to make my 40 the opposite of this movie.
• Up until attending last Saturday's midnight screening of Child's Play 2 at the New Bev, I was completely oblivious to the fact that there's this big gay following for the franchise. Not just for Bride and Seed of Chucky, the whole series! Considering I wasn't aware my youngest brother was gay until he came out 9 years, it's shameful I can still be so boneheaded about such things.

- JDO